It’s true that most couples at least occasionally quarrel about their finances. But could a better understanding of each other’s values help spouses avoid that bickering? Shaunti Feldhahn thinks so, and she joins us today to talk about it.
Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard graduate, former Wall Street analyst, social researcher, best-selling author, as well as a prominent public speaker. She is the co-author of Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself with her husband, Jeff, and has written several books with him revealing impactful truths about relationships at home and in the workplace.Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, learned this lesson early in their marriage. Living in New York, they often ate out due to their demanding schedules. However, a seemingly small issue—ordering a Diet Coke—would trigger recurring arguments. Jeff, concerned about their financial future and mounting student loan debt, saw the expense as unnecessary, while Shaunti viewed it as a simple enjoyment that enhanced her meal.
It wasn't until years later, during their research for their book Thriving in Love & Money, that they realized their conflict stemmed from differing values. Jeff prioritized financial security, while Shaunti valued the experience and enjoyment of a meal. Once they uncovered this, they could better communicate and honor each other's perspectives.Financial disagreements often arise because couples fail to recognize and respect each other's values. In Shaunti and Jeff’s national study, they found that:
For example, one spouse might see value in spending money on a gym membership for networking and health benefits, while the other might believe household essentials from Costco are a better use of resources. The key takeaway? Neither perspective is wrong—both are rooted in deeply held values.
By having open and honest conversations about financial priorities, couples can:
Advisors can help couples navigate tough conversations, align their financial goals with their values, and ultimately steward their resources in a way that honors God and strengthens their marriage.
At the heart of every financial decision in marriage lies an opportunity—to foster unity rather than division. God cares just as much about the marriage as He does about the finances. By understanding and honoring each other’s values, couples can turn money from a source of conflict into an instrument of peace and purpose.