For Richer, for Poorer: How to Steward Money in Marriage

Were you to survey married couples about their money-management goals, most answers would focus on some form of financial success. Most people strive to accumulate better houses, nicer cars, more toys, and bigger retirement accounts. But when it comes to the dream of financial prosperity and security, we should ask, “Whose dream is it?” It may be the American dream—but is it the dream of the risen Jesus? And since what glorifies him is also for our good, is it a dream that’s ultimately in the best interests of our family?

The process of discovering God’s countercultural will about money and possessions can both excite and liberate. For my late wife, Nanci, and me, our growth in financial stewardship paralleled our spiritual growth. In fact, it propelled it. We learned about faith, grace, commitment, generosity, and God’s provision. We had challenging giving discussions that ultimately strengthened our marriage and bonded us around the common goal of investing in eternity.

Using the word makarios, which means “happy-making,” Jesus said, “There is more happiness in giving than in receiving” (Acts 20:35 GNT). Nanci and I found that happiness, not duty, permeates a God-honoring theology of money. When grace-saturated, kingdom-minded disciples use God’s money and possessions, we fulfill the first and second greatest commandments. We store up treasures in heaven and “take hold of that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:19). The following principles can help you and your spouse develop a lifestyle of good stewardship that will yield dividends, now and forever. 1. Recognize the dangers of a possessions-centered life. Although there is nothing inherently wrong with money, something is desperately wrong with devotion to money. “Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare. . . . For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils” (1 Timothy 6:9–10). Understanding the dangers of materialism can liberate us to experience the joys of Christ-centered stewardship. Jesus speaks of the “deceitfulness of riches” (Mark 4:19). The psalmist warns, “Though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them” (Psalm 62:10 NIV). None of us is immune to the value-changing nature of wealth.

Things have mass, mass exerts gravity, and gravity holds us in orbit around the things we accumulate. A friend told me that when he and his wife were first married, they spent their time taking walks, playing games, and reading together. They were content. Later, as their income rose, they found themselves trapped by shifting priorities. Little by little, money and possessions took precedence over God, church, and meaningful time together.

Studies and anecdotal evidence have shown a connection between an increase in income and marital infidelity, since having access to more money can provide greater temptation and opportunity to sin. Of course, the point is not the income itself, but the lifestyle it underwrites. A Christian can make a million dollars a year, give generously, live modestly, and avoid much of that added temptation to immorality. It is not how much we make that matters. It is how much we keep.

How can we recognize if we are falling into materialism’s trap? “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Jesus is saying, “Show me your bank statement, your credit card statement, and your receipts, and I’ll show you where your heart is.” What we do with our money is an inarguable statement of our values. God declares, “Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine” (Job 41:11). God’s ownership of everything provides the foundation of a biblical theology of money* and* the antidote to materialism. Acutely aware of the fact that what we have is God’s and not ours, faithful money-managing stewards regularly consult him to implement his biblical investment priorities. 2. Make generous giving a priority. I encourage you to commit to giving regularly to your local church and, above and beyond that, to missions and other ministries. Begin by setting an amount to give — I recommend not less than 10 percent — and stick with it so you honor God with your firstfruits (Proverbs 3:9). If you want him to bless your family’s finances, don’t place yourself under the curse of disobedience. As thunder follows lightning, giving follows grace (2 Corinthians 8:1–2). If God’s grace touches you, you can’t help but give generously! Then, when God entrusts you with more, remind yourselves why: “So that you can be generous on every occasion” (2 Corinthians 9:11 NIV). (Contrary to the health-and-wealth gospel, God prospers us not to raise our standard of living, but to raise our standard of giving.)

If you have not been in the habit of giving, it can be challenging to begin. However, I ask people, “If you got a 10 percent pay cut, would you die?” Of course not! God is big enough to take care of you if you step out in faith and return to him what is his in the first place. (Even though I think in most cases people really can afford to give away ten percent, obviously if you believe it is impossible for you to do so or your children would go hungry if you did, then by all means feed your family and God will be pleased if you do. I am just encouraging you to take an honest look at whether you are spending money on non-necessities that you could have given away without inflicting suffering on your family.)

What if you and your spouse are not on the same page about giving? I learned over the years that my desire to give sacrificially could sometimes feel insensitive to Nanci. When I learned to be more generous with her (and our daughters), Nanci no longer felt that giving to kingdom causes competed with our family’s needs. Through many conversations, she learned to find increasing joy in giving, and I learned to find increasing joy in growing together and leading—but not pushing or pulling. We were holding hands, even if sometimes one of us was a step ahead. (As the years went by, the one ahead was increasingly her.)

Of course, God wants us to do many good things with money that do not involve giving. We must provide for our family’s basic material needs, for example (1 Timothy 5:8). But these good things are only a beginning. The money God entrusts to us is eternal investment capital. Every day is an opportunity to buy up more shares in his kingdom! 3. Set a budget so you can spend and save wisely. Since the long-term consequences are severe when a couple disagrees about money, I can’t stress enough the importance of discussing financial matters. Start by making a careful record of spending so you can find out where your money is currently going. Then determine where it should be going. This will become the basis for your budget. (When I was a pastor, I met with families who followed a budget and did fine on a meager income. I met with others who made much more and were regularly in financial crisis.)

For some, the most practical way to budget is the envelope system. When paychecks are cashed, the cash goes into envelopes designated for giving, housing, food, gas, utilities, entertainment, clothing, saving, and so on. If nothing is left in the entertainment envelope halfway through the month, no more movies or eating out. If we overspend in one area, we must underspend elsewhere to compensate. The envelope system may seem antiquated, but it teaches us that resources are limited, which is an invaluable lesson.

What is the right balance between how much we give, use for needs and wants, and save? I believe the tension reflected in that question is healthy. We can prayerfully seek God’s guidance, determined to follow his lead as best as we can discern it.

Jesus tells us, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [what you eat, drink, and wear] will be given to you” (Matthew 6:33 NIV). Unlike the pagans who “run after all these things” and “worry about tomorrow,” believers can trust God (Matthew 6:25–34). If we believe that God can create us, redeem us, and bring us through death to spend eternity with him, we can take him at his word when he says he will provide for our material needs. 4. Avoid debt, except in rare instances.

The choice to live under debt (except in manageable amounts, such as with a mortgage payment well within your means) is ultimately deadening to the soul and to a marriage. It is always unwise to live above your income. It will invariably produce conflict in your marriage.

Trust means believing God will take care of our needs. When we go into debt, however, we usually do so to obtain wants, not needs. So the Bible cautions us against debt. The ESV translates the beginning of Romans 13:8, “Owe no one anything.” This would appear to prohibit debt. The NIV reads, “Let no debt remain outstanding.” This would allow debt, if paid off as soon as possible.

Not all debt is the same, however. I’m sympathetic to those in situations where, after prayer and evaluation, debt seems the only alternative. In such cases, nothing is wiser than giving first to God, cutting back expenditures, and systematically paying off debt as aggressively as possible.

Some consider mortgages an exception to avoiding debt, and a case can be made for borrowing to buy a reasonably priced house instead of renting. Unfortunately, many aspiring homeowners buy a house outside their budget. A couple I know assumed a large mortgage that depended on both of their incomes. When the wife became pregnant, they realized that to keep the house, they would have to violate their convictions against leaving their child in a day-care center while the mother worked.

What about credit cards? Some use them for convenience, paying off the amount owed on every statement to avoid interest. Nanci and I did this. This approach has advantages, but it also has drawbacks. The very convenience of having a credit card is often a liability—and constitutes temptation. Here are some prudent guidelines:

• Never use credit cards for anything except budgeted purchases.
• Pay off your credit cards every month.
• The first month you have a credit card bill you cannot pay in full, destroy the card, pay it off, and don’t get another one.

5. Enjoy life to God’s glory. As believers in a materialistic culture, we should embrace lifestyles that free up money to further the progress of the gospel. And yet, the answer is not asceticism, believing that money and possessions are inherently evil. Our God is a lavish giver (Romans 8:32). He provides pleasures and comforts he desires us to enjoy: “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Over the years, Nanci and I spent reasonable amounts of money on vacations that served to renew us. Even when our girls were small, we would have a date night, believing one of the best things we could do for our children was to maintain a strong marriage. (Make it a priority to date your spouse. Put it in your schedule and budget!)

Scripture says we are to put our hope not in material things but “in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17 NIV). That means we shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying his provisions! God does not expect his followers to live like prisoners in a cell, never feasting or celebrating life. He entrusts us with money to care for our needs and the needs of others, but also so we can take pleasure in the life he has given us. Invest in Eternity—Together

Many Christians store up their treasures on earth. They end up backing into eternity, heading away from their treasures. Christ calls us to turn it around—to store up our treasures in heaven. That way, every day moves us closer to our Treasure.

In her last years, Nanci and I reflected on the ways, by God’s grace, we had invested in eternity and served the Lord Jesus together. What lay behind us was meaningful, but what awaited us on death’s other side was what we spent our lives preparing for.

Shortly before she died, I was holding Nanci’s hand, and she said, with a smile and tears, “Randy, thank you for my life.” I replied, also crying, “Nanci, thank you for my life.” God had used us to grow each other spiritually and make us better followers of Jesus. We certainly didn’t do everything right, but with God’s help, we sought to store up far greater treasures in heaven than on earth. I encourage you to put Christ in the center of your marriage and finances. You will never regret it. The eternal payoffs will forever bring you joy and your Savior glory! Image used with permission