Overcoming the Emotional Impulse to Spend

Growing up, I recall the Christmas season being about giving. Everyone focused on buying something for their loved ones. Somewhere along the way, the notion that we should also treat ourselves to something special got thrown into the mix. Companies and retailers started using language like, "while you're buying that perfect gift for your loved ones, why not treat yourself to that thing you've always wanted?" And so the season of giving became not just about giving to others, but also giving to ourselves.

Spending on impulse is similar to any addiction because it provides that dopamine hit that feels so good as we experience the emotional satisfaction of getting what we want. Of course, this feeling doesn't last because it cannot satisfy us to the level that we need, so we try again, and again, and again. With every purchase, we're seeking that deep satisfaction we long for that possessions can't satisfy.

Early in our marriage, my wife, Natalie, and I engaged in a lot of impulse buying. Neither of us was taught to manage money, so we did what felt right to us. After paying our bills, which both of our parents taught us to do, we spent everything we had leftover on whatever felt good at that time. Four years into our marriage, we found ourselves with 13 credit cards, one car payment, and a new mortgage. I then got laid off, and so began one of the most difficult times in our life.

As a man and the sole provider for our growing family, I felt like a failure. I felt regret for spending money so foolishly, shame for failing to protect my family from this situation, hopelessness because I didn't see a way out, and I experienced constant worry and fear about the future. The question I kept asking myself was, "How did I not see the foolishness in our behavior to spend as we did?"

The late Larry Burkett shared an example to illustrate the power of conviction. He said that if he could talk a person out of buying a new car because the payment would be too much for him, a salesperson out there could much more easily talk that same person into buying that new car. Why? Because the salesperson has the new car as a prop to motivate him to buy. The desire for the new car, which he can have right now, is greater than the financial pain of a new car payment, which he hasn't experienced yet.

"However," Larry said, "If I can teach the man God's perspective on debt. And if he understood the truth, that the debtor becomes the lender's slave (Proverbs 22:6) and he accepted that truth, it would form a conviction in him regarding debt, that no person on earth would ever convince him to violate." God's word speaks to both our minds (reasoning) and our emotions (feelings) to shape our beliefs and develop convictions and living standards that line up with His kingdom principles.