Finances When You’re A Stepmom

“My husband and his former wife are both emotional spenders. They have nothing saved for my two stepkids to attend college,” stepmom Melissa explained.

“I have a biological son from a previous relationship. Half of the child support from his father goes towards our current household expenses, to which I also contribute from my income. The other half goes into an account for his future education.

“My oldest stepdaughter is ready to graduate from high school. My husband and his ex-wife expect me to take money from my son’s college savings to pay for her education. My husband says it’s not fair that his kids shouldn’t get the same education as mine. I don’t agree."

One of the key phrases a couple should learn before becoming a stepfamily (aka blended) is, “In a stepfamily, fair and equal are not the same thing."

Nothing triggers that statement like money.

When considering stepmoms and finances, there are three main areas she should focus on, preferably before the marriage.

Child Support

A stepmom should have an in-depth discussion with her spouse regarding the financial commitments he agreed to in his divorce agreement. Every situation is different, and there are no “cookie-cutter” guidelines. Money and visitation are the two ways a parent attempts to control the other. If a dad gets remarried and his kids have a new “mother figure” in their lives, the tension often escalates.

Future Needs or College Tuition

Occasionally, a divorce agreement will specify what each parent is required to contribute toward education. If not, this needs to be agreed upon before the dad gets remarried. The hard truth is that a dad’s remarriage doesn’t nullify or decrease his obligation to his first family.

Retirement, Wills, Trust, and End of Life

Remarried couples often don’t view this as a concern, but visiting a financial planner is one of the wisest things my husband and I did after forming a stepfamily. He asked us questions we would have never considered on our own, and my husband was a banker! Most stepfamilies have more complex financial situations than first families.

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