Six Great Money Dates

MONEY IS CONSISTENTLY ranked as one of the top sources of stress in relationships. One way to ease this tension is to set aside intentional time for important financial conversations, which I call money dates. Here are six money dates you and your spouse can enjoy to grow closer to each other and Christ, while becoming more skilled in your shared role as stewards of God’s money.

Money Date #1: Share Your Money Story

Location: a nice restaurant

We were meant to tell stories. It draws us nearer to each other and is the best way to communicate important information about ourselves. For this money date, craft a money autobiography. Start by finding a nice restaurant, and then share your money story while enjoying some good food with each other. Here are a few questions to prompt your conversation:

What was your earliest memory of the concept of money? Was it positive, negative, or neutral? How did your parents or grandparents handle money in the family and in their relationships? What money problems, tensions, events, and gains or losses impacted your family?

Money Date #2: Give Together

Location: a picnic in nature

For most people, their system of giving has only one option: a percentage of income, usually aspiring to 10%, but often much less (US Christians tend to give between 1.2-2.8% of their income, evangelical Christians give only 2.8%)1. Over the years, I have observed more ways to give, something I call giving systems.

For this money date, go on a picnic in a beautiful location, like a beach or park, and discuss which of the following giving systems sounds like the most fun for you to do together. Talk about where you want to give together.

Option 1: Grow Giving

You can begin at a certain percentage of giving (like 3%) and then decide to increase this amount over time (maybe increasing by +1% each year until the total percentage is 20%). You can also choose to increase your giving every time your salary increases.

Option 2: Giving Goal

You decide on a cumulative giving goal together and work to meet that goal. For example, you could decide to cumulatively give $1,000,000 by the time you both retire. Make sure to throw big parties for every milestone you reach.

Option 3: Giving Circle

Find an existing social group or form a new social group to pool money and decide together where the money should go.

Money Date #3: Cook the Books

Location: at home in the kitchen

For this date, stay at home and cook a meal together. As you sit down to enjoy the meal, work together to set up your finances on a budgeting app, like the FaithFi app. Add your financial accounts, name budgeting digital envelopes, and then decide on the daily or weekly rhythms you’ll stick to for regular tracking and categorizing for new expenses. You may also schedule a regular once-a-month meeting to review the past month and future plans.

Money Date #4: Lay a Credit Boundary

Location: your most relaxing spot—a garden, lake, pool, or maybe a “day pass” at a spa

Discuss your history, fears, and experiences around debt and credit cards. Bring your credit scores and credit reports to the date and discuss how you want to protect your relationship from the dangers of becoming enslaved to debt, or addicted to spending from easy credit.

Money Date #5: Number Your Days

Location: a thrift shop or bookstore, then your favorite coffee or dessert spot

As you shop and sit at a coffee shop or dessert place, take some time to “number your days” (Psalm 90:12). Determine all the important people who will be listed in your will, power of attorney, and health care directive, including your guardian, executor, financial advisor, and health agent. If you’re looking for a Christian professional to guide you, go to FaithFi.com/find.

Money Date #6: Trace Your Telos

Location: a nice restaurant

Theologians have long recognized that God created us as teleological beings, creatures inherently oriented toward a purpose or “telos.” Paul, in 2 Corinthians 8, argues that a part of inheriting the riches of Christ is also inheriting a new financial telos to “excel in the grace of giving.” Start by enjoying a meal at a nice restaurant for this money date. Then, decide together what God is calling you to spend, give, and save today. Also, decide on your ideal percentages for 10 years from now. Set a vision so it becomes evident in both practice and purpose that your telos together is to excel in the grace of giving.

The key to a great money date is connecting over money, rather than being divided or feeling tension when the topic arises. A few easy money dates could make a big difference in your relationship, your finances, and your future.