Financial Next Steps After Losing A Spouse

First and foremost, if you are reading this right after losing a spouse, I’m sorry for your loss. Few can understand the grief you are experiencing. Know this: not a single tear falls from your eyes without God seeing it. Psalm 56:8 tells us that He collects every tear in a bottle—He knows your pain intimately. Each person’s grief is different. However, God is with you. He sees, He knows, and He is ever-present for each and every need you have.

After my mother became a widow, she realized that right on the heels of her immense grief were financial issues, confusion, and sometimes paralysis. So, she began a widow’s ministry. Pairing my career in finance, law, and philanthropy, we started to collaborate our experiences by helping many through this difficult time, both with grief and to alleviate financial confusion.

Here are a few thoughts that may be helpful during this difficult time: Consider that God has entrusted you to oversee what you have today. He provides and guides as we pray. Follow His financial wisdom, seek wise counsel, and act.

This does not mean your decisions will be easy or pleasant to face. For women, given that the average age of widowhood is 59, early decisions will impact your standard of living for years to come. Women also statistically have fewer resources after their spouse dies than men.

One widow outlined three stages of widowhood: grief, growth, and grace. Even in the stage of grief, important decisions may need to be made. Given this reality, here are the first 10 financial steps to take after losing your spouse. Regardless of your wealth, or lack thereof, these can be beneficial.

The First Ten Steps

(Just think one step at a time.)

1. Don’t make any major financial decisions in haste.

2. Start tracking all your expenses. Use a paper and pencil, the FaithFi app, or a computer spreadsheet.

3. Pay your bills promptly.

4. Call Social Security to obtain survivor benefits.

5. Find out how much you have in assets and your liabilities as well.

6. Organize all financial documents.

7. Talk to other wise people about their choices, including appropriate “VIP’s” on your personal “board of directors” that we refer to later. But ultimately, make your own decisions.

8. Invest your money based on your reality and risk factors, not the desires of others.

9. Maintain your budget.

10. Revisit your budget and investments regularly.

Are you fearful? Are you hesitant? Consider this: each of us really needs only three things to start to address our finances.

1. The desire to do so. (Necessity is a good motivator as well.)

2. The willingness to become informed.

3. Basic math skills of adding and subtracting, or a calculator.

Becoming informed may include learning from those around you (or whom you can seek out).

However, a word of caution is important here. Sadly, there are those who wish to take advantage of you in this vulnerable time of your life. Yes, they may be family members who seem to be kind, but they have their own desires in mind. Yes, they may even be fellow believers hoping you will trust them with their “wise” advice.

One of my favorite sayings from my mom (who has run the widow’s ministry for 20 years now) is: “Just because it’s in the garage, does not mean it’s a car.” She’s referring to affinity fraud, meaning fraud perpetrated by those in our inner circles. This can include even those inside churches we trust.

Continue to remember that God has entrusted you with assets, whether small or large. As you take each step of the 10 proposed, stop and thank God for His wisdom and guidance.

My mom, early in her widowhood, assembled her personal

“Board of Directors” around her for advice. There wasn’t a real conference room, her seated at the head chair with six chairs pulled up. But the concept is worthy of implementing: identifying six people you will listen to and seek advice from in the most important decisions you are making.

These folks should demonstrate victory and expertise (not perfection) in the areas of decision making that they will influence in your life.

God has entrusted you to oversee what you have today. He provides and guides as we pray.

How to Determine Your Board of Directors

These are the influential people in your past who influenced who you’ve become. Consider the following examples for those to seek out for your own board:

1. A godly widow “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” — Proverbs 24:3-4 (NIV)

2. A non-relative, wise in finances “Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops.” — Proverbs 3:9 (NIV)

3. A practical friend “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” — Proverbs 3:26

4. An encourager “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” — Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)

5. A person with spiritual discernment and courage “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

6. A relative whose priority is your well-being “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24

In the book I wrote with my mom, Wise Women Managing Money, we make an important declaration in the first chapter:

Know It, Own It, Like It, Change It.

While that applies to all people—women, men, couples, and singles—it’s especially true for those who recently lost a spouse. As you walk through those first ten steps and begin to understand what you have, your next step is to own it.

Then, ask yourself this question: Do I like it? You may not like it because this reality requires a lifestyle change. Each person’s personal realities may be different. Vacations? Daily expenses? Is it sustainable? Hard questions indeed. And ones that may require you to change it.

But remember: God is near. He hears, He directs, and He gives wisdom. Remember these important truths.

1. God has entrusted you with the assets and liabilities you have today. You are a steward, and you wish to be a good one.
2. Acknowledge that God will guide you with His biblical principles, gather accurate data, and surround yourself with wise counsel to enable you to be a wise steward.
3. Make no speedy decisions, if possible. Hit the pause button to wisely assess your reality, act with wisdom, good data, prayer, and confidence.

Even if it feels hopeless some days, there really are good days ahead. I watched my mom flourish even after losing her husband of 42 years. She gained wisdom and strength enough to help others. There is flourishing and even ministry in front of you if you can take wise steps and confidently move forward.

To read more from Valerie Neff Hogan, check out her book, written with her mother, Miriam Neff, at wisewomenmanagingmoney.com, or find her at linkedin.com/in/valeriehogan.